Rant #4.

Guys who mention their martial arts belts during casual conversations:

Maybe it reminds me of a certain one-credit college PE course I took in which forty overweight guys decided that they’d learn Aikido so that they could become badasses. At the time, I needed one elective credit to graduate and so I was willing to put up with a very sweaty man trying to break my arm for two hours every Tuesday and Thursday evening from 5:00 to 6:50.

Anyways, I find it revolting when a guy mentions his martial arts belt during casual conversation. It usually goes like this:

I say, “Bill, you wanna split another pitcher of beer.”

“Yes,” Bill nods, “but maybe I shouldn’t. I’ve got a brown belt.”

“A what?” I’m confused.

“A brown belt.” He nods and squinches his eyebrows like he’s telling me bad news. “See,” he says, “I have a brown belt in karate.”

“Oh,” I say, “So you don’t want another beer?”

“No, I mean it’s fine. I want it. It’s just that I don’t want to get too crazy. You understand. My fists are like lethal weapons. I’ll probably have to register them or something.”

End of rant.


One thought on “Rant #4.

  1. That happened to me once. Not the beer part but the registering my hands as lethal weapons part. I get crazy sometimes. I’d hate for someone to get injured on account of my belt situation.


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