Everyday Dirtbag Entry #20.

I played the ultimate dirtbag sport the other day:


Dirtbag Golf Rules:

1. Whenever you can, play for free. This is important. If you can’t figure out how to play for free nine out of ten times, then you aren’t a dirtbag.

2. Smoke something cheap. Outdated Swisher Sweet Cigarillos are a good choice.

3. Drink Hamm’s talls. Cheaper than PBR. More yellow than water.

4. Play from July to September. Windfall plums, apples, and blackberries will keep you full.

5. Play “Plus-Minus” with golf balls. If you lose three and find seven, that’s “plus-four golf”. In this kind of golf, a higher number is better.

6. Related to rule number 5, dig, wade, and swim for balls. It’s fun, helps your plus-minus score, AND freaks out locals.

7. Play “Plus-Minus” with tees. Seems trifling, but anything can keep a person entertained during what Mark Twain called “a good walk spoiled”. If searching for tees is too boring, ultimate fight a friend, brother, or sister for each unbroken tee found on the course (UFC-style tapouts will ensure a “golfing” injury).

8. Fish all ponds and bow hunt nutria. Bring a plastic bag for “take-home meat”.

9. Play at least one entire par-5 hole with a putter.

10. Finally, and most importantly, never take yourself too seriously. That’s gumby.


One thought on “Everyday Dirtbag Entry #20.

  1. I think I just hallucinated during that entire post. It’s one thing to defile someones religion or political affiliation. But, to defile the game of golf and promote the smoking of cheap cigars is just going too far.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s