Rant #9.

Old people who only talk about food:

I love old people, people who’ve lived long enough to have wonderful, rich stories of the past, who are infused with wisdom, discernment, understanding. I love when old people are willing to sit down and talk, relax, or watch the day pass in solitude. And I love to see an old person read a good book. Sometimes, I get a little jealous and think, “If I had all day alone, I’d…”

But the image I’m creating is the best type of old person. There are others. The bitter old people, the whiners, the stubborn, the poor drivers who refuse to give up their driving licenses until their grandchildren pry them from their dead cold fingers. But these aren’t the worst. No, there is a type of old person who is far more difficult to be around: The incessant Food Talkers.

Dialogue between two incessant food talkers goes like this:

“Have you tasted the melon yet? It’s so firm!”

“Oh, I had a melon last Saturday at the reunion that was incredible! Do you remember that?”

“Yes, and so juicy too!”

“And the fried chicken…”

“Did you know that fried chicken is only $5.99 a pound at Safeway this week?”

“No, but I was thinking of having fried chicken tomorrow night. Maybe with rice. I’ll go to Safeway and get chicken and corn on the cob.”

“Oh, the corn on the cob is so good. White kernels. And four for a dollar.”

“I like to salt it after I put the butter on.”

“Oh, yes. And a little pepper…”

“Delicious!”

“Have you tried the…”

It can go like that for hours. I don’t know how, but it can.

End of rant.

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