Sometimes a person just has to do things the right way. Thus, last night’s dirtbag-a-thon.
I was invited to my brother-in-law’s birthday party at a place named Cornucopia. I’d never been there, but the name sounded snooty. I was told that we were supposed “to have drinks”. Hang out as men. So I decided to do things in style right from the start.
As a list of 13 (a beautiful prime number), my dirtbag night:
1) I wore dirty clothes.
2) I road my bike.
3) I went to a local 7-Eleven.
4) I bought their cheapest six-pack of pounders (Keystone Light at $4.49).
5) I buildered on the back of a restaurant next to the 7- Eleven (mortered sandstones with half-pad edges).
6) Between climbing sets, I poured two Keystones in the Nalgene bottle I’d found at the Columns last week.
7) When my forearms were burnt, I rode my bike to THE illustrious Cornucopia restaurant.
8) I gave my brother-in-law a used book that I’d already read (Cormac McCarthy’s Outer Dark).
9) I accepted and smoked an American Spirit cigarette even though I don’t smoke.
10) I drank my own water-bottle beer and purchased nothing from THE Cornucopia.
11) I went across the street and peed in another restaurant I wasn’t patroning.
12) I ate graham crackers I found in an old bag at the bottom of my backpack.
13) I finished someone else’s Jack and Coke and went home.
Today I feel better about the whole world.