This week’s dirtbag tips and warnings:
1. Just because it’s soaked in rain and urine and lying on the road doesn’t mean it won’t become your favorite sweatshirt.
2. If you’re drinking tepid tea out of an old Starbucks cup that you found, you might get accosted by a pro-Ethiopia activist who rails against you and the company that printed their name on the paper cup in your hand.
3. Sometimes “Lost and Found” means that you don’t know who lost it but you sure as heck know who’s gonna find it.
4. People get really weird when you take off your shoes during a staff meeting.
5. If you teach little children the difference between the words “want” and “need”, you’re really going to piss off their parents. Likewise if you explain simple sugars in white foods or the link between genetically modified sweeteners and cancer.
6. If it says, “Please do not climb”, you sort of have to.
7. If it’s free and left-over, but it’s from a fast food restaurant, it might take you a while to decide. Better just sit down.