Failing Writer #22 (Real Esquire Magazine Rejection).

I was just rejected – this afternoon – by Esquire (for the third time this year). And it was nothing but a form letter. It read:

“Dear Writer:

The editors of Esquire appreciated the opportunity to read your work. We?re sorry to tell you that it does not fit our needs at this time.”

Makes sense. They appreciated the opportunity. My story doesn’t fit their needs. But wait. What does “we?re” mean?  My theories:

we?re = We question regards


we?re = We question repeating


we?re = We question resolution

or (thinking that the question mark may imply a “maybe”)

we?re = Maybe we re…


we?re = Maybe we retain


we?re = Maybe we refrain

But then there’s that troubling word “sorry” after the we?re, so hmm….


we?re = Maybe we remain sorry

Yes, that’s it.  That makes sense.

So the sentence reads (when correctly translated):

“Maybe we remain sorry to tell you that it does not fit our needs at this time.”

Maybe we remain sorry?  Maybe?  They said maybe?  Well that’s not cool.

They sound like jerks.  Who likes Esquire anyway?  They keep including Tom Brady.  And his new hair.  And his girlfriend’s opinions.  In fact, they’re ridiculous.  A ridiculous magazine.  So forget them.

But………..then again…………..

I’ll probably submit to them once more.  Try to get at least one short story in their pages. Just one.  Not a complete sellout or anything.  Just simple compromise.  Compromise for the sake of educating their readership.  I’ll bring them up.  Show them real art.  Yeah, that’s it.  Real art.

I like them a little bit.  I mean, they’re fine.  And maybe they like me too.

Oh, and by the way, I was also just rejected by Hobart, Glimmertrain (three times), and A Public Space.

Five.  That’s a prime number.


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