I just found out that Too Shattered For Mending has been nominated for the 2018 Teen Choice awards because of its starred reviews. This is the book equivalent of the top-200 Billboard songs at the end of the year. Voting starts now and goes through the start of February. If you liked the book, please vote. Also, please share this link with your friends on Facebook and Instagram. I need teens to help promote. Would anyone mind helping me spread the word? Click here to vote!
I guess both dogs are looking for something else. I just searched and found Hank Williams Jr’s personal ad in his kennel.
Unfortunately, Hank doesn’t hold a pencil well in either paw, and spelling is not a skill he possesses.
I typed it out exactly as he wrote it:
“I em a grayt dog. Maybee the graytest. I am fun end full of inergy. I em sensetiv. I luv everthing.
I em looking for a dog like me to run end bark end wristl end play with. It is even bedder if U injoy lycking the penisses of eechuthr end smelling eechuthr all the time. I wud injoy thet a lot. My bruther Bob Dilln is not a fun enuf dog and also he duz not wont to be a sexul partner weth me even tho he smells amayzing end we wud be purfect together. He is allways gitting ennoyed with me abowt the smollest things and it is rilly frustrayting. I need sumwun better, so that is wot Im looking for heer. Pleez rispond if U like to be fisical and lowd. We can tuch eechother evry secund end bark end bark end bark end bark.”
My older dog – Dylan – wrote what looks like a personal ad in his journal recently (I found the journal hidden under a blanket in his kennel). I know I shouldn’t share Dylan’s journal writing, but he’s not a friend of mine on social media so I don’t think he’ll discover this post:
“Hi, my name is Bob Dylan The Boy Dog Hoffmeister, and I’m looking for a quiet companion in life – someone who is nothing like my brother Hank Williams Junior.
I enjoy exploring the Sisters Boulders or walking in shallow water, chewing on elk bones, stealing food from humans, and rolling in dead things.
I am a very open and honest dog. I don’t like clowns, balloons, lightning, fireworks, or windstorms that make the doors slam. I don’t like it when people argue or cry, or talk too loudly at each other even if they’re smiling.
To be clear: I am not interested in having sex with anyone. Please don’t lick my penis or smell my anus. If you do either of those things, I’ll get angry and growl, even if I don’t mean to, and even if we were getting along pretty well before you decided to do that.
I do enjoy sniffing faces and would happily lick at the air in the direction of your breath. I would also love to lay in the sun with you, howl at an ambulance together, or walk somewhere without touching each other. Maybe – once we get wherever we’re going – we can take off our leashes and run free in the fields, hopping like kangaroos or hunting bugs in the grass.
My favorite places are the high desert in Central Oregon or plush wingback chairs in a warm living room.
Please meet me in a park or call my parents to set up a play-date.”
My new novel TOO SHATTERED FOR MENDING was selected as one of four crossover books by the New York Times Sunday Book Review this week (“crossovers” are books that can be enjoyed by both mature teens and adults).
Here’s the full review:
TOO SHATTERED FOR MENDING
By Peter Brown Hoffmeister
373 pp. Knopf. $17.99.
Little is called Little because he’s big — a sophomore in high school and already 6-foot-5. But his nickname in his gorgeous but meth-ravaged Idaho town is more than an easy joke. Hoffmeister is reminding us that this person we come to care about and fear for — who’s been abandoned by his drug-dealer grandfather, who has to hunt illegally if he wants to eat meat, who’s been exposed to every kind of toxic masculinity but still puts everyone else’s needs above his own — is just a boy. Early on, a deputy seeks Little’s help finding his grandfather. That request eventually becomes a threat, adding tension to a portrait of the heart and will that’s so tragic and beautiful it singes.
Little has an older brother, JT, a promising football player who is ruining his prospects with alcohol and violence — and may soon ruin Little’s with faulty advice. JT’s girlfriend, Rowan, on whom Little has a heartbreaking crush, is a ragged free spirit who can’t understand her own worth.
“Too Shattered for Mending” is as spare as a bird in a bare tree, but it’s cathartic, not depressing. Little’s struggle with dyslexia alone — he places a red transparency over schoolbooks to make the page clearer — is enough to launch a thousand of those tweets that say, “I’m not crying, you’re crying.” In the end, you realize that what Little needs, what we all need, is a red transparency to put over the world itself so that life and love aren’t so hard.”