When you have friends like this…

After my outlaw (what I call any former in-law) failed to meet up with me last night, he sent me the best email I’ve received this month. His nickname is “C-Murder,” thus his sign-off:

“I missed your call last night, after I failed to check my calendar during the day.

But that was before I got drunk in the back yard and passed out in the shed after dinner.

I hit my head on a stack of snow tires that don’t have any studs left. Except the one that lacerated my forehead. 

I woke up somewhere in Creswell without pants. Bleeding profusely from above my left eye. Your voice mail came through sometime around 9pm. 
I sat on the railroad tracks and cried.
I’m sorry. 
I’m free tonight though. My house? So-and-so made plans to go out. 
C Murder”
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Teenagers In Real Life (irl) – A Very Short Story

This actually happened:

Two seniors walked into the school courtyard yesterday. They were both holding their phones out in front of them.

Senior 1 said, “Who’s your best friend?”

Senior 2 said, “I’m not sure. Lemme check…” Then he looked at his phone. “Oh, it’s you!”

“Wait, what?” Senior 1 tilted his head his head to the side. “That’s not right.”

“No, it is. Look, you’re my best friend. It says so right here.” He tilted his phone’s screen so his friend could see it.

“Nope,” Senior 1 said. “See this?” Now he held his phone up to his friend’s face. “You’re not my best friend. It says so right here.”

Wisdom On Our Modern Times, By Louis C.K.

This is comedy that is not comedy. We are ungrateful, ridiculous humans, people…
“Everything is amazing right now, and nobody’s happy. … Now, we live in an amazing, amazing world, and it’s wasted on the crappiest generation of just spoiled idiots that don’t care. This is what people are like now: they’ve got their phones and they’re like ‘ugh, it won’t–‘ GIVE IT A SECOND! It’s going to SPACE! Can you give it a second to get back from space?? Is the speed of light too slow for you?! I was on an airplane and there was high speed internet. That’s the newest thing I know that exists. And I’m sitting there and they go ‘open up your laptops you can go on the internet,’ and it’s fast, and I’m watching YouTube clips, I’m in an airplane! And then it breaks down, and they apologize that the internet’s not working, and the guy next to me goes ‘ugh, this is bullshit.’ Like how quickly the world owes him something he knew existed only like 10 seconds ago! Flying is the worst one because people come back from flights and they’re telling you their story, and it’s like a horror story. They act like their flight was a cattle car in the 40s in Germany. They’re like, ‘it was the worst day of my life! First of all, we didn’t board for like 20 minutes and then they made us sit there on the runway for 40 minutes! We had to sit there!’ Oh really? What happened next? Did you FLY in the AIR incredibly like a BIRD? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight, you non-contributing zero?! … You’re sitting in a chair in the SKY! Here’s the thing: people say there’s delays. Delays? Really? New York to California in 5 hours. That used to take 30 years! And a bunch of you would die on the way there, and have babies… you’d be a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now, you watch a movie, you take a dump, and you’re home!”

On Rejection – Go Back To This Over And Over

If you’re a writer, or were a writer, or know a writer, or want to be a writer, or might some day write something about anything, this piece is for you.  Actually, if you’re not a writer, yet you still want to be tougher, more resilient, more successful, more brave, more daring, more risk-taking, then this piece is for you.

So if you’re a human being who wants to be a better human being, click the link below.

To keep it simple, successful people make attempts, take risks, and often fail.  They fail hundreds or thousands of times.  They fail until they succeed.  It doesn’t matter what the pursuit is, failure is part of the process. But Chuck Wendig says it so much better than I can. He may be foul-mouthed and crazy, but his metaphors are hilarious and he absolutely knows what he’s talking about.

Click.

A Moment When A Great Writer Is Wiser Than The Rest Of Us

From Margaret Atwood’s The Blind Assassin:

“I look back over what I’ve written and I know it’s wrong, not because of what I’ve set down, but because of what I’ve omitted. What isn’t there has a presence, like the absence of light.

“You want the truth, of course. You want me to put two and two together. But two and two doesn’t necessarily get you the truth. Two and two equals a voice outside the window. Two and two equals the wind. The living bird is not its labeled bones.”